Tell David

Hi, I am going to do a question-and-answer column here on my website. I will answer questions on anything. I have no secrets. Ask me about writing, how to get published, theatre, how to get a boyfriend, how to keep a boyfriend and, of course, anything about sex.

Here is today's question.

Question: Dear David, I find myself attracted to people who physically resemble other people I have loved in the past, not necessarily romantically. What do you think of this?  Austoon
Answer: I think we have our destiny in the personas of others. Carl Jung wrote about men being attracted to their "anima"; the person who is waiting for them. Go for it. The experience will be successful even if the relationship isn't.
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Question: What do you do when you get drunk?  Your Friend Heriberto
Answer: It isn't often, but if I have two glasses of wine I start throwing bread and rolls from the bread basket at people around the restaurant and they throw them back
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Question: What do you say when someone says, "I want to sleep with you?"  Hot and Harassed
Answer: I'm terrible. Ask anyone. I hardly move.
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Question: How do you know how much cologne (perfume if you're a girl) to wear?  Smelly But Nice
Answer: If they don't back up when you enter the elevator you're not wearing enough.
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Question: What do you say when a man exposes himself in public?  Still Annoyed and Flustered
Answer: Oh madam, please cover yourself up.
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Question: What do you say to someone seated beside you at a dinner table who puts their hand on your lap? Annoyed and Flustered
Answer: Pardon me, am I in your way?
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Question: Everywhere I look I see men in pink shirts and ties and sweaters. Isn't that a girlish color? Straight in Sobe
Answer: Girlish IS the 21st Century.
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Question: My Partner and I have an awesome relationship. It happens to be my first open-relationship due to E.D. I guess he felt in order to maintain our relationship I would of course need to fulfill my desires outside of our relationship. He’s tried all brands of meds to correct the dysfunction. Terrible migraines were the result. Being also co-dependents I was also informed that we should lead separate lives outside of our home, ie… friends, AA meetings, work, etc. I must admit at first I was taken back with thoughts of maybe he dislikes me. Because of former relationships where seeing one you see the other and parents and relatives. At first I thought of calling the whole thing off, but decided to have an open mind and give it a whirl. Thank God for my intuition, because not only are we the best of friends, we’re in love. Our relationship is stronger than ever. I’m not saying that people should ignore E.D. and their spouses should just sleep with around. I don’t abuse my privileges, but I do feel a Love that no other human-being could fill. Where there is true love, sex outside the relationship (marriage) can’t harm. What are your views on open relationships? Thanks, Happy Withmyfella
Answer: I think erectile dysfunction is for the most part because the sex partner is not exciting enough. So perhaps your partner should be asked what would really excite him. What are his sex fantasies and can you fit into them in some way. If there is nothing in this earth  that would excite him then you must assume you are family members. Not a couple. You can love him as a family member and go your way.

The only danger in going your way sexually is that you may fall in love with someone else and  this would mean abandoning your much loved family member. This is something to think about. Lot's of luck.
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Question: Who is your favorite Jeweler? Bijon Crazy
Answer: David Yurman. The new Tiffany.
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Question: What is your pet peeve? Punta Gorda Lonny
Answer: Inappropriate shorts. What goes with these older guys who still wear shorts left over from 40 years ago when they were cute? Plus the black socks. Give me a break.
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Question: Is there anything you won't discuss? Vincent, Philadelphia
Answer: I never discuss:
       1. abortions
       2. venereal disease
       3. plastic surgery
But if you need doctor's names I have them for you.
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Question: What are your basic rules for living? The Sargent
Answer: My rules are simple:
       1. When deciding jobs always take the one that pays most.
       2. When deciding between men always take the younger one.
       3. Always moisturize your neck. It may be your face someday.
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Question: I want your suggestions for conducting my new love affair.  Baffled in Brazil
Answer: I have two rules for love affairs.
       1. Never go into the bathroom together.
       2. Never eat in. Once they see you in the kitchen it's about food, not romance.
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Question: Do you think that the use of escorts will become commonly accepted in the future?  Roger the Lodger
Answer: Definitely. It's tough not having a sex life and in the 21st Century people will be realizing hiring an escort is as necessary as paying for a good  pair of shoes. This will be even more important for women.Want to know more? See my new book. ESCORT 40 Profiles with Photographs of Men Who Sell Sex
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Question: With the men I meet, I am always particularly excited when I see a penis withy vitiligo, the black and white spots that Michael Jackson had. Is this a bizarre interest?  Am I Weird, Miami
Answer: Listen it's your life. But I always think it's better to be interested in the person than the penis. You can't marry a penis.
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Question: My older sister, who is married and lives in another city, is ashamed she has a gay brother. With her friends acquaintances she always pretends I'm not gay. How would you handle this? Ardie
Answer: Become rich and famous. Then she'll tell all her friends and acquaintances. Nobody didn't want to know Noel Coward, Liberace, Elton John, Boy George and, now, Adam Lambert. My advice is ignore until you are rich and famous and then you will see plenty of her.
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Question: How long is the average length of time for sexual intercourse? Lost in Atlanta
Answer: 9 minutes. Again. Sorry
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Question: How long is the average length of the erect penis? Lost in Atlanta
Answer: 5 3/4 inches. True. Sorry.
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Question: My former "life-partner" and I separated and he subsequently married a woman. He now has a three year old child. His wife and he have asked me to visit them and meet their child. I am planning to do this. What do you think? Omar, Miami Beach
Answer: This is the 21st Century. The question isn't so much that you are going to meet your gay former "life-partner" that is now married to a woman but you are a former "life-partner" going to meet the present "life-partner". First wife meets second wife. Go, but don't expect her to be friendly.
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Question: How can you tell when an Italian man is lying? Gema, Miami Beach
Answer: His lips are moving.- - - - - - - - - - - -

Question: My friend thinks that for Halloween I should do drag. But I don't want to do drag. Is that wrong? Robert, Miami Beach
Answer: Some gay men do not have an inner woman. She is not there for you to contact most likely.
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Question: As most people near retirement age they usually focus on how they are going to relax and spend their free time. What inspires you to continue doing the projects you engage in? How do you motivate yourself to stay engaged and active? D.C. of New York
Answer: I think killing time kills you. As I near 80 I have knowledge and thoughts and creativity I wish to leave behind. And I'm in a rush to get them out before I depart. I just saw the new Quentin Crisp movie in which he says "Do not concern yourself with what others think of you. Look deep within yourself and ask if there is still anything left in there that you should unpack." I am just finishing up with all the unpacking.
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Question: Why does someone who practices safe sex ask if his potential partner is HIV Positive? Douglas Cureton, Ft. Lauderdale
Answer: Sex is a potent and mysterious act. When you have sex with someone you can never be sure that is not going to lead to a serious, long term and even lifetime relationship. Therefore knowing the health situation of someone who may be a lifetime partner is important.
On the other hand he may only be worrying about a broken condom.
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Question: In the heat of a new relationship how can you tell the difference between love and lust? Austin Palmer-Smith
Answer: There is no difference. At least at first. Later, you not only want to be in bed with them but you want to walk down the street with them. When you know you do not want someone else to get them, that is love. If you do not have an erection at the thought of them that is neither lust or love.
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Question: "I have just gotten engaged. My fiancé has not been very clear about a marriage date. He mumbled about 'a year from now'. What should I do?" Alba
Answer: Remain Fabulous. An engagement is not a marriage. You can break it any time. Look great, be great, say nothing about the marriage date. As soon as he realizes he might lose you, even with an engagement ring he'll set a date. And then you can decide if you want to get married. Maybe something better will come up.

Email questions to: Leddick@Bellsouth.net